Okay, so do to underlying reasons, my husband is not able to maintain w/o pre-ejaculating. This is a new thing to our life and especially our sex life. So hes kinda shut me out and will just flat out refuse to touch me, but when I mention playing/using toys with him he gets angry and has flat out said jealousy. Why/how could one be jealous of something I now resort to doing when at this time, I cant get from him. I will say he is a selfish lover, when I tried to reassure him we would get through this together I had also, (not in the same sentence) had said that there were other ways to please me besides putting it in. He flat out said he didn’t want to. So I guess what I’m trying to ask is, has any other couples been through the “jealousy of toys” phase? How was it overcome?
Honestly, I think the healthiest next step would be couples counseling or seeing a sex therapist. Having a neutral third party helped put things into perspective and made it easier to talk without things getting defensive.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. My ex was jealous of my toys. It was really disheartening, because our sex drives did not align (mine was really high, his was really low). I’d often use my vibrators or dildos, wash them, dry them by towel, then put them away, but it always felt like I was sneaking around which also doesn’t feel good or safe.
As Lesley mentioned, couples counseling or a sex therapist could be a huge help for your relationship. I’d also suggest he try a penis pump, like the Bathmate pumps, which can help build stronger erections and hopefully improve his confidence so your sex life also improves.
Honestly, if he’s unwilling to try therapy/counseling, that’s a red flag that you’re going to have to make a big decision about what comes next: how far are you willing to let this unhealthy behavior go?
I’ve had relationships before where “no toys were allowed “ I never understood how someone would feel less then because of a toy, in my mind I say bring em all, the joy is seeing your partner fully let go with zero worries. It makes me excited to see. Maybe he feels guilty that you are having to “resort “ to toy usage? Maybe just reinforce that while it’s not the same , throw in a “not as good” but, you too have needs to be met, and it’s not your preference but getting off is needed. Has he ever been ok with you play, and has it changed since having this issue? You have needs sis… you prolly aren’t going to get too emotionally attached, fall in love and run off with your rabbit… but, maybe he is scared you will be better satisfied with toys…. Which hand in the air that is legit I always had better orgasms when toys are involved. Infact didn’t ever have one until toys were introduced. Possibly worried about a toy showing you a better time… I don’t know, just a guess. But girl you do you always get yours❤️
So I guess now that you word it that way, hes always kind of been negative towards me play as well and toys are a no-good even when I suggest or try to suggest us using them all together. I honestly have no idea what hes thinking or how he feels in totality about the entire situation because he has such a negative view on things right now, any time I try to bring the conversation up, he switches to defensive and tells me thats sex is the only thing I have to complain about. I know he just uses that as a way to get me to end the conversation because hes uncomfortable with it and he did admit it was embarrassing and I do understand that but at the same time, if you can’t talk to me and realize that I am trying to compromise and understand your pov while simultaneously you’re also understanding and accepting I do have needs that this issue has caused not to be met and you’re either with me or I’mwithout you. Because my drive is crazy high and I just cant deal with going without.
Ya know, I know this sounds like an excuse and I am definitely going to be googling here indirectly, but I don’t have the first clue on where a sex therapist would even be in my area. I also worry thay if I ask him about this he will become further embarrassed and flat out refuse.
Got it. Yeah, finding therapists or counselors who specialize in this kind of stuff can definitely be inconvenient in some areas.
Have you two ever tried watching videos together? I mean watching adult videos together as a kind of warm-up or foreplay. If so, you could try looking for couple-focused content, starting with videos that don’t involve toys, then gradually moving into ones with a lot of toy usage.
This might be helpful for you both.
I have tried. He just says that we don’t have the same taste in videos. He’s very closed off sexually about expressing his wants/desires and such. Ive tried dirty talk, videos, making our own videos, gentle conversation to help “break him out of his shell”, so far all hands flopped.
Honestly, given your situation right now, I don’t really have a good solution either. I’m not an expert or someone with professional experience in this area.
All I can say is, good luck and hang in there. You’ve got this. 
Well the thing is being a couple shood want to fulfill there needs there wants we have toys but she don’t play with them she rather see me play with them it’s something she likes to see so I do it for her there’s other things she would like to see like me an a other guy I really never thought about it but it’s something she wants to see so yes I would do it for her so she gets the chance to fulfill the wonder or what’s it’s like for her to put a strap on if it pleases her I’m willing to do that for her…I hope things turn around for u